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Healing Wounds (Warning: Explicit Words)

I normally don’t write about my personal life and like to keep things private for the most part. I figured now would be a good time to sit down, reflect and write about the emotions that have been on my mind since the beginning of this quarantine. One thing that no one really seems to talk about is now most of us are not working, our minds are not being taken off issues that have been sitting in the back of our minds. It took me about a week to figure this out and it seems that not even the government prepared us for THIS. I certainly was not expecting it and after going live on Instagram just last night and telling the few who tuned in about creating within the unknown, I just had to write something.

As humans we really push off our emotions. Store them deep down to where we can’t reach them. Sometimes others can see it but because we believe that they aren’t there they do not exist within our everyday thoughts. I have been going through ascension for the past year. It is by the most difficult process I have ever gone through when it comes to change. Everything has and will change. Eating habits, daily routines, morals, relationships of all kinds, desires and goals completely shifting. Creating a new lifestyle in the blink of eye. All I could do was just surrender to what was coming. It is very hard to not have mental breakdowns during these times but will say I feel like I have handled this well. I have had my moments where I broke down in the shower, cried myself to sleep, looked in the mirror and asked “Who the fuck are you?”, leading me to believe that I was the crazy one. I knew that I had changed, and everyone just did not like who I was anymore. They wanted the old versions of me that I could not give.

Childhood traumas came up and force me to heal the wounds. It came up like word vomit but with just unstoppable tears. Sometimes you must watch loved ones walk away knowing that their morals no longer align with your purpose in life. It’s heartbreaking. At the end of the day I knew that it was for the best but that does not mean it still does not hurt. When others think of a spiritual awakening as something magical and fun, it is not. It’s very different to what the mind perceives. Ascension is a very rewarding experience to go through and learn what it is you connect to. Unconditional love being one of the best emotions to practice and feel, leading to great connections with others. Even though I may not reside with lower frequencies does not mean that I do not feel hurt and pain. I feel heartbreak all the time, but I continue to use it to help me understand what it means to love everything and anyone. I no longer blame others for my wrong actions. My journey continues for a short while until I reach the finish line. What that entails, I do not know. But I do look forward to being in the highest state of my own good vibrationally.

The methods I use now to quiet my mind are hands down meditation. I do not know what I would do without it. It is a skill that takes time to build and leaves you feeling levelheaded and clear. I do recommend doing it twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. Yoga is another. My body does not feel tight and I have learned how to breathe properly to enhance my endurance. It’s all about the breath my friends! Finally, allow the wounds and issues to come up. Deal with them before going back to work. You’ll have a whole new perspective on life. Take the time to heal and remember that we are all human. We need to heal. We need to feel the pain to release it. It’s OK to hurt and it’s OK to take the time to relax and reflect. This is the part that no one taught or prepared you for during this process. I hope this helped all of you and taught you something you did not know. Until next time my friends, Namaste.

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